My Foolish Hope
by tintiger
Summary: Sasuke's misery at becoming Orochimaru's vessel.


My foolish Hope

By Tintiger

I came to in darkness. Where am I? Who am I?

Then I remembered the terrible experience that I, had just endured. Orochimaru had finally decided that I was more use to him as his vessel, and taken over my body. I am the stubbornest person I know. Even when I knew that the snake was becoming perilous near the end of the three years after I left Konoha, I still lingered hoping to gain just a little more from him.

There was no, "Excuse me Sasuke, I would like it very much if you would let me have your body." Not one ounce of politeness or pity as he slowly slithered into me, pushing me further and further down in my own consciousness. Then there he sat controlling me and laughing.

Now still there he is, using me as he wills. I have no control at all, save the somberness of my own thoughts, which for the most part he finds dull and boring. In this dismal existence I think back on my life, and the people in Konoha.

As always my mind starts with the people who meant nothing or next to nothing in my mind. In the past if I did this, I could convince myself that people didn't matter, and I would feel no remorse for using them or abandoning them. But now as always, my thoughts betray me and think of people who had become important to me over the years.

Continually my thoughts first go to my old academy teacher, Iruka-sensei. I'm not sure why he is always first, perhaps because Iruka-sensei was the first person after my family that encouraged me, and pushed me to succeeded. It's funny how even though I aspired to be as strong as I could, and achieve more then I believed Iruka-sensei ever would, I still found myself looking for his approval. I secretly cheered inside whenever I got a test back with a, "Great job Sasuke!" from Iruka-sensei. I doubt now that I'll ever get a chance to tell him this, it would make him so happy.

Next my thoughts turn to Sakura. Though I never have felt or returned her feelings, for some reason she had become important to me. In her stubborn, irritating, frustrating, way she had wiggled her way into my life, and become part of it. She was always there beside me. Just knowing that she was near and safe was somewhat of a comfort. I doubt I'll ever get to thank her for being there for me.

Then comes Kakashi-sensei. At first I really didn't like Kakashi. His bell test had mocked us and made me look like a fool. I felt so weak next to him. But after he trained with me and taught me chidori, he became almost a father figure. If I listened to anyone, it was Kakashi. He tried to tell me once that revenge would only lead me to ruin. I wish now that I had listened harder. Will I ever get the chance to tell him how much he really means to me?

Last and most importantly Naruto rushes into my thoughts like a freight train. The blond idiot was always there with me. Always (I hate to admit it) he pushed me to strive harder. His rivalry pressed me to be stronger, after all I couldn't lose to the dead last, could I? Many times I treated him like dirt or acted like a jerk to him. He never hated me for it. My attitude angered him a lot, but he never really held it against me. No matter how much he yelled at me. Now where I am and looking back on those times, I'm ashamed. I would give anything to hear his voice again.

Long past is the time when we had our battle on the river. That fight was one of the hardest that I have ever fought. If you find that hard to believe, try battling your best friend to the death sometime. Every injury I inflicted on him gave me pain as well. At that time however, I was blinded by my lust for more power. When I told him that he had become my best friend, tears ran down his cheeks, and he asked me why I was doing what I was doing. I never did answer that question, it tore me too much, I was sacrificing him for more power. At that point I almost turned back, however Itachi's face and memory mocked me and the blood of my Clan cried out from the ground for revenge. It drowned out Naruto's pleas. So I stiffened my heart, and set it against my friend. In the end I couldn't kill him, and I have had random brushes with Naruto ever since.

I wish Naruto would show up now. I wish anyone would come and help me. I have gotten into something that I cannot escape by myself. They probably won't though. I had pushed them away for too long. Iruka-sensei is likely too involved with the academy, to come try to retrieve a traitor. I heard that Sakura had become a medic-nin and is reasonably busy with that, she has doubtless moved on from thinking about me. Kakashi-sensei might try, but he is the 'copy ninja' and as such as he is indispensable. Then again why would he try to help me now? I didn't listen in the past when he warned me about my life's outcome. Naruto was the only one that I had the smallest bit of hope of coming, but I had beaten him down and misused him so much. I wouldn't blame him for abandoning me to my fate, however I can't stop this foolish hope.

"Naruto, if you still care come and help me. Please don't forsake me. I'm sorry. I want to come home."

-The End-


End file.
